


Chasing the Sun

by SoapDiSpencer



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Hinata Shouyou, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Heartbreak, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hinata Shouyou is a Good Friend, Kinda?, Love, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Pro Volleyball Player Hinata Shouyou, Top Hinata Shouyou, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26909287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoapDiSpencer/pseuds/SoapDiSpencer
Summary: Everyone got the distinct feeling of Icarus whenever they lingered too close to Shoyo. It wasn't his fault. He was upfront about his intentions, but that didn't change that sometimes people fell in love with people they shouldn't.
Relationships: Aone Takanobu/Hinata Shouyou, Bokuto Koutarou/Hinata Shouyou, Haiba Lev/Hinata Shouyou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Nishinoya Yuu, Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru, Hinata Shouyou/Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Yachi Hitoka, Hinata Shouyou/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 18
Kudos: 246





	1. Belonging is Subjective (KenHina)

It was an unspoken rule by now not to fall in love with Hinata Shoyo. Everyone knew that no matter what he was only ever yours for a moment. He was so kind and caring. He was so warm, but he wasn't someone that you could hang onto. Hinata Shoyo was very clear with everyone. He didn't do relationships. He picked up friends wherever he went, but he always left a trail of broken hearts from the people who weren't careful enough. 

Kenma remembers when he had the light of the sun focused solely on him. Hinata played him so easily. It didn't take much for Kenma to decide having Shoyo for a little bit was better than never having him at all and he was right. He would forever cherish the feeling of Shoyo pressing him into the bed with hot, open-mouthed kisses trailing into Kenma's skin. 

"Come on, kitten. Tell me what you want." Shoyo breathed into Kenma's skin. Kenma didn't know how he had ended up under the younger male. He didn't know how Shoyo had managed to claw his way into his heart so easily. 

"Sho! Stop teasing!" Kenma begged, his face flushed. He could feel Hinata's fingers clever and insistent as he was stretched open and left bare for Shoyo to see everything. He felt like he was drowning in the sensation of warmth and heat. He never understood why Shoyo did the things that he did, but he was grateful to have this even if he knew it would never last. 

"Come on, kitten. You know the rules. I need you to talk to me." Shoyo whispered out before latching onto the mark on Kenma's neck that he could feel down to his soul. Kenma should have never dared to think he belonged to Shoyo even if he so desperately wanted to. Shoyo was a force of nature. He could never be tied down and he never lied about that fact. He never whispered false promises when they were like this. Shoyo knew who he was and he was unapologetically genuine. 

“Please, Sho. Please! I’m yours. Take me.” Kenma babbled out. He wondered if Shoyo was some sort of deity. He was a force of nature that Kenma was powerless against and yet Kenma worshipped him. He willingly submitted himself to getting his heartbroken when Shoyo eventually left. Everyone knew he would. It was unspoken the way people glanced at Kenma with their pitying glances. Kenma knew he was stupid to think he could change Hinata. He couldn’t, but he would cling to thig while he could. 

“Okay, kitten, you don’t need to beg. You know I’ll take care of you.” Shoyo whispered into Kenma’s skin with a smirk tugging at his lips. Kenma knew he wasn’t lying either. No matter what happened between them, Kenma knew that Shoyo would always be there for him as a friend. Kenma just wished he could have more. Shoyo was emotionally unavailable for anything more than friendship. He had thought he was too, but now that it was ending… He had fallen hard. 

Kenma couldn’t hold in the cry of desperation as Shoyo finally sunk into him. He was always so perfect. The stretch, the burn, the gentle fingers gliding up his sides to make sure he was okay. Hinata treated everyone like something to be cherished. He wondered if that was why he left broken hearts behind him every step of the way. Kenma knew he would be added to the list soon enough. He would have to go back to being Hinata’s sponsor. He would have to return to being just a friend. He would have to build himself back up from the pits of pining. 

“Relax, sweetheart. You’re so tense tonight. I am coming back. I won’t be gone forever.” Shoyo whispered into Kenma’s hair pressing soft kisses on his neck as Kenma tried to relax against him. Nothing would beat their slow, lazy beginnings, but now there was more at play. Kenma had fallen in love with the unattainable. Kenma arched his back and tried to hurry Shoyo along. He didn’t want to linger on the fact that Shoyo was leaving and would probably have a new person in his bed before long. 

“You’re so needy today, kitten.” Shoyo teased and suddenly there was that drive. Shoyo pressed on Kenma’s back to keep him in place as he started a demanding pace. Kenma always felt like he was singed by the sun when Shoyo finally stopped treating him like glass and started properly taking what he wanted from Kenma. 

Sex with Shoyo was always good. That was never the issue. The issue arose with the fact that was all Shoyo wanted. He didn’t do relationships or romantic love. He was your friend first, and if you were interested he took you to bed and blew your mind. It was the cosmic order of life that everyone kept getting their hearts broken over. 

“Sho, please!” Kenma panted out his hand moving back to grip tight onto Shoyo’s hair keeping his chest plastered against Kenma’s back. He wanted to feel all of him for just a moment. He wanted to pretend for just a moment that this wasn’t the last time this would happen. He was Shoyo’s only just for a moment, but it was never enough. 

It was all too fast when Kenma finally felt the orgasm that had been building since Shoyo won their game and pinned him to the bed finally bubble over. Shoyo’s hands were everywhere and Kenma felt like he couldn’t breathe with how perfect it was. He was suddenly pressed face first into the mattress as Shoyo’s control snapped and he chased his own completion. Kenma faintly wondered if he had this in another world. He wondered if there was a version of him that knew what it was like to get to keep this. He hoped so. At least one version of him deserved to be happy. 

“You did so good, Kenma.” Shoyo praised after he had finally marked Kenma’s back with his cum. Kenma melted against the bed as he felt Shoyo clean him up. Shoyo would stay the night holding Kenma close and then he would disappear like smoke in the morning. Shoyo never made any of his lovers feel used despite how many fell in love. He wondered how he did it. He always held Kenma to his chest whispering plans for their friendship as if Kenma wasn’t desperately trying to hide that he wanted more. 

“Thanks, Sho.” Kenma whispered nuzzling his way into Shoyo’s arms. He shouldn’t feel so safe and loved in the arms of the man who was about to break his heart. He should be strong enough to pull away. That was Shoyo’s only rule. Don’t fall in love. He was careful and sweet and a force of nature, but he wasn’t Kenma’s to keep. Kenma was just another chapter in Shoyo’s flight to the top. Kenma was almost grateful he got to be a chapter at all.


	2. The Sun and Moon (TsukiHina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I burn with every touch, but the scars left on my heart are worth it if I get to have him a second longer.

I know why Icarus did it. I don’t think he was foolish or caught up in his hubris. I think he thought that it was all worth it. I think he saw the sun and knew it would rip him apart and he decided that being close to the sun for just a second… was the only thing that mattered. I am Icarus and Hinata Shoyo was the sun. 

“You are doing so good for me, sweetheart.” I was Icarus and Shoyo was my sun. I knew I would be pulled out of the sea before long my wings burning into my skin. I can already feel the wax dripping down my skin as he presses his hips down against my lap pushing heat and lust through my veins. 

“Fuck, Sho, you feel so good.” My breath comes out in soft pants against his skin as I try to claim him even if just for the night. I know I can never have him for long and yet here I was flying closer and closer to the sun. He is my sun and I am the moon who is desperate for more of his light. 

“You haven’t seen anything yet, Kei.” Shoyo’s voice is all promise of a pain that I knew I would be in when he left me cold and dark. I would simply be a cold desolate rock floating in space if not for his warmth. If not for his light. I adore the way his touch burns against my skin as he sinks to his knees in front of me. I wonder honestly if I can ever go back to the time before I had this, but I know I must.

“Relax, I know what I am doing,” Shoyo whispered out softly, his fingers hooking under the waistband of my pants and yanking them down with way more confidence than I could ever muster. 

“I trust you,” I whisper out my voice sounding so soft and small next to the sheer intensity of his eyes on me. I would let him burn me up with his touch if he would only linger in my space for just moments longer. I was not meant to keep Shoyo. The sun is a force that can never be tamed by a mere mortal. Despite this, I am Icarus killing myself for just a taste of the warmth of his attention. 

“I am glad, you’re one of my best friends,” Shoyo whispered out and I can already feel the wax of my wings singing my skin with the heat. I can already feel my heart breaking because I know this is nearly the end. This is nearly the end of the warmth that Shoyo provides. I am about to lose it all as Shoyo slips from his grasp. 

Shoyo was never meant to be held, but being touched by Shoyo was the most religious experience that Kei has ever experienced. I am fated to fall plunging into the sea. I know that I will be dragged out of the ocean broken and reformed from the wax of my wings and the weight of my hubris. 

“Fuck, Sho, you always feel so good.” I babble out desperately as Shoyo pulls off my cock with a lewd pop of his lips against the head. I can’t feel anything other than the heat of his skin against mine as he climbs back into my lap. 

“Open me up for your cock.” Shoyo whispers low in my ear and I am weak to deny him anything. I push him into my sheets and a small part of me is surprised that they don’t turn to ash under the heat that Shoyo seems to radiate. How is the world unaffected when I am being swallowed whole as I comply to his every wish. 

“Kei, your fingers! Ah! Always so perfect.” Shoyo sounds like a dream. Shoyo always sounds like a dream come true. He loves Shoyo. He doesn’t think anyone can withstand the full force of Shoyo’s affection and not fall hopelessly in love with him. Kei knew that he had tried not to. Everyone thinks they can handle it up until the point when Shoyo slips off to the next heart to break. 

Shoyo looks beautiful in the moonlight even if I would never speak those words into existence. I cannot let him see that I have broken rule number one. I cannot let him see that I have fallen madly in love with him when I promised I wouldn’t. I made an impossible promise to him not to fall for him, and here I was hiding heartbreak as I claimed what little time I had left with him. 

“That’s enough. I want you inside me.” Shoyo never had to ask for Kei to do anything for him, but especially not for this. I was always ready to selfishly cling to as much of Shoyo as I could. Shoyo feels amazing wrapped tight around him in a mess of soft touches and biting nails. I can feel the marks that are going to be left on my skin from the kiss of his teeth against my skin. He claims me with every touch.

When I sunk into him it is like the epoch of perfection. He always feels so perfect. My hands can’t help as they slide up Shoyo’s chest to his throat pressing a hand there to draw out the heavenly sounds of his moans. I hold him close to my chest and breathe in every moan that escapes his lips. I try to memorize the way he seems to shine as he tips his head back and moans out my name. I am weak to these moments when he is focused completely on me. 

“Kei… faster. Make me feel it.” Shoyo whispers out and I am cannot resist a gift like this. I hiked his hips up slightly higher so I can be greedy for a moment longer. I can pretend that he is mine just for a moment longer. 

“Yes! Harder!” Shoyo already sounds so beautifully wrecked as I grip his hips and take everything I want from his body. I leave fingerprint bruises on his hips and my eyes never leave the way his cheeks flush as he pants out my name. It’s the only thing I ever want to hear from his lips. It is as if the gods shined their grace down on one person and I am feeding on that grace to fill the void in my heard.

I pray to Shoyo like a god that I have no right to even perceive. When I feel him start to fly towards that earthshattering crescendo I feel the last of my wax wings burn into my skin. I feel my plunge into the sea. This is the last time that I get to hold the sun under my grasp and witness the true beauty of nature. Shoyo calls out my name as he cums and maybe that was my penance. I was forever doomed to cling to this moment as I lose him. I am unable to resist the gift of seeing Shoyo under me painted in my cum like he belongs to me. He doesn’t. He doesn’t belong to me and the second we catch our breaths it is time for me to leave. It is time for Hinata to leave another heart shattered in his flight to the top. 


	3. The Stars I Reach For (OiHina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoyo was the stars that I reach for. I should have known that I would fall in love with him just like I fell in love with the stars so many years ago.

I never expected to be caught up in a whirlwind romance. It was fun. When Shoyo warned him that he didn’t do love, I laughed at the mere idea of it. The idea that I would fall in love with the shrimp was so alien to me. He was so serious so I simply tilted his head up and told him that I have never fallen in love. It was partially true. No one needed to know about the dark complicated feelings he had for the people back home. He had never fallen in love with someone that he actually could have. His type seemed to be unattainable. I realized my mistake after their third date that ended with them stumbling into Shoyo’s apartment, their lips desperate and claiming. 

Shoyo was exactly my type. He was so perfect. He was brighter than any star and so far out of grasp that he might as well be orbiting the earth. I was always looking at the stars desperate to understand the mystery of the dark sky. Shoyo was as close to the stars as I have ever been before. Shoyo pushed me on the bed stripping off his shirt in a move that was a little too coordinated. I understood the seriousness of his words now. He warned people not to fall in love even though it was inevitable. He warned people not to fall in love so that he could not be held responsible for the hearts he left obliterated in his wake. He took lovers and treated them better than they ever thought possible before leaving them empty and used. 

“Tooru, you have plenty of pictures. Get a move on.” He sounds so sweet as he leans in and kisses me like he is not about to carve me open like some fucking pumpkin and throw away my heart pretending not to notice that he had it. Shoyo was more dangerous than the loves he had left behind because he provided a taste of what people wanted before throwing them away. I reached up yanking Shoyo into my lap. Shoyo laughed and it was the only song my heart played now. It was like a broken record calling out to empty space. Loving Shoyo was like being truly alone in the world. 

Shoyo leaned back letting me yank off the rest of his clothes so I could get my hands onto his strong thighs. Shoyo knew damn well that Tooru would do anything for him. Shoyo wanted him so he complied. Shoyo conquered him in a way he had never allowed anyone before. He didn’t know what it was about this little shrimp that tore people open. He knew his reputation. He had heard of the trail of broken hearts he had left before he even started this. He had seen how gutted everyone was when he left Japan. He heard from Hanamaki that everyone who he had been with were never the same after. He thought he was different, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t different at all. He fell just as hard and he was breaking just the same.

“Tooru, are you okay?”

“Sorry, I’m stuck in my head.”

Shoyo reached out to still my hands before his hand came up to caress my cheek. I think this is the worst part. It is impossible to make him out to be the villain in your own narrative because he was always there ready to take care of the people he is leaving torn open and broken. He wasn’t supposed to break. He was supposed to wait until he was gone to fall apart. He wasn’t supposed to let Shoyo know he had broken him. 

“Tooru, talk to me.”

“Shut up! Shut up! Why do you have to be so fucking caring? Just fuck me and let me leave!”

Shoyo was looking at Tooru his eyes wide and Tooru knew he had fucked it up. He was going to lose Shoyo long before he was supposed to. Shoyo had one rule. Don’t fall in love and he had fucked it up.

“Tooru, what’s wrong?”

“I broke the rules! I broke the fucking rules! I’m sorry!”

Shoyo softened all at once. He didn’t pull away or get mad. He was so much sweeter than I had imagined and it was so much worse. It was so much worse that he felt bad for me. I had fallen in love with the stars all over again knowing full well I would never get to unlock their secrets. 

“Tooru, I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t fucking matter. Just… Just I’ll leave.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“No, but… I fucked up. I know.”

“It’s not your fault. I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

“You warned me. It’s not your fault either.”

I wasn’t expecting Shoyo to pull me into the sweetest kiss yet. I wasn’t expecting him to hold me close. I should have. Everyone fell for him because he made them feel like the center of the universe. He made people feel like they were important.

“You deserve someone who will love you the way you need. You are an amazing person, Tooru.”

“You don’t have to comfort me. You are not my first heartbreak. Sorry, but Iwa-chan beat you there.”

“You still love him. You told me that on our first date.”

“I do, but making it work is easier said than done.”

“Go after him.”

“What?”

“I don’t do love, but that doesn’t mean that I believe it’s not worth it. If you love him and he loves you then you need to fight for it.”

“Why don’t you do love?”

Shoyo froze at my question and suddenly it all clicked into place. Shoyo didn’t do love because he had been hurt. Shoyo was running away from love. Tooru was never going to be enough for Shoyo because his heart belonged to someone else.

“I’ve never fallen in love.”

“You are lying.”

“I know.”

“Is he worth it?”

“Is anyone?”

“You are.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m not. I have hurt people.”

“You at least warn them.”

“But I don’t give them up when they break the rules.”

“That’s their fault.”

“He’s worth it.”

“Then let me love you for one more night. Then, take your own advice.”

“He doesn’t love me.”

“How are you sure?”

Shoyo didn’t say anything. I knew why. I leaned in and kissed him slowly my fingers threading through his hair. 

“Go after him.”

“Go after him.” 

“I love you.”

“I wish I could love you back.”


	4. Rock Bottom

No matter what Shoyo had said to Tooru he couldn't step away from the blind dive to rock bottom he was constantly doing. He couldn't step away from tirelessly throwing himself at people to soak in their attention for a bit longer even if he knew it wasn't healthy for anyone involved. He had learned early that the only way people cared was if you offered them everything you had and walked away before they got used to it. No one loved him for long. It didn't matter that he left a trail of heartbreak. It didn't matter because they always found someone else, not even weeks after. He was fleeting in people's lives and he knew he would be even if he loved them. 

When he had the sweet touch of Yachi he had not even been gone a month before she was falling into Yamaguchi's arms. When he had let Aone shatter him to his core he hadn't even flinched when he was swiftly forgotten two weeks later. When Yamaguchi had taken all the frustrations of Yachi and his momentary break up out on him, he smiled and wished them luck when he decided to make it work with her. When Noya had decided that the world was more interesting than he could ever be he excitedly listened to each of his adventures and dutifully stood at his wedding to Asahi a year later. When Lev had left to pursue his dreams he made sure to follow every bit of news he could get because that was what he did. He was a stepping stone for people. He didn't deserve to be anything more. 

"Shoyo."

This part was never easy. It was never easy to look at a person who thought they could be the exception. It was never easy to shatter all the dreams of the person who had wanted more than he could give. He had already given himself up to anyone who wanted him. Too many people wanted to take his soul too. They weren't satisfied with just having him for a few nights. They wanted to claim him whether it would make him happy or not. 

"Can you at least not flirt with Oikawa right in front of me?"

"I'm not flirting with him, Atsumu."

"Then what the fuck was all that?"

"We have a history."

"Oh, like literally everyone else."

"Atsumu you knew what I was before you started this. Don't act like it bothers you now. It never did before."

"Why am I not good enough for you?"

"I never said you weren't. I am just not cut out for relationships. I'm sorry but I can't keep this up if that is what you want."

"What's your damage? Why the hell does everyone I meet have a fucking story of you loving and leaving them? Why is your name like a fucking cautionary tale told between anyone who has ever met you?"

"Because people, like you, think themselves above the rules."

"What made you so cold? You were the brightest of all of us once."

Shoyo couldn't answer that. He couldn't speak of the time when he would do anything for the love and affection he now pushed away. He had been so naive. He had believed in happily ever after. He had loved so deeply that everyone could rip him open and stomp on his heart and many had. Only one mattered. That had been the first nail in his coffin. One person who he had loved with everything he had, but it wasn't enough. 

"I am not broken because I don't want to fall in love."

"I don't know what I expected. I hope you find whatever you are looking for."

Shoyo shook his head. He never would. He would never find what he was looking for because he wasn't looking. People who knew how many people he had slept with often thought he was looking for something. They were wrong. He knew where what he wanted was, but he was trying to drown out the cold burn of rejection with the warmth of other people. He had once been the sun, but now he was cold and empty like the vast expanse of space. When he walked beside people he knew he had hurt he couldn't bring himself to feel guilty because he had never lied to them. He had never let them think he could return those feelings. He had told them point-blank that there wasn't enough of him left to love them. 

He had gotten close with a few of them. What he had with Tooru and Kei had been special. What he had with Kenma still was. Kei was still among his best friends. He knew all of Kei's new teammates by name and was welcomed with open arms when he slipped into practices to see Kei. He still threw himself into Tooru's arms every time he saw him soaking up in the warm affection they both held for each other even after their whirlwind romance had blown up in their faces. He smiled when Tooru and Iwaizumi got together slowly incorporating both of them into his life as close friends. Kenma still spent more nights than not laid out in his lap. Kenma still came to every game he could and supported him through it all. Kenma was still his rock. He loved them, but he could never love them the way they wanted. 

He was broken, but it never felt as cold as when Atsumu walked away. He wondered if this was what rock bottom felt like. He wondered if he had finally given too much of himself to everyone else. It would have been easier if it had just been sex. He had treated each and every one of them as best he could taking on their burdens and building them up. He had been a temporary lover. He had loved them the best he could, but it was at the cost of himself. When he went back to his apartment cold and alone he only had one person on his mind. The one person who he was never able to drown out of his life no matter how many people he tried to replace him with. The one person who had never wanted him. The one person who had wanted to love him that never would. When he laid down in his bed cold and alone he couldn't cry. He didn't deserve to cry. He was broken and he broke everyone else to hide it. 


	5. Lies and Truths (KageHina)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How many times have they stared each other down as rivals? Friends? Teammates? More? They were playing a long game of push and pull that always ached in just the right way. Where had everything gone wrong?

"You've gone too far this time. It's interfering with your career. Can you not keep it in your fucking pants?"

Shoyo glanced up at Kageyama not expecting to see him here. He was nursing a beer trying to ignore the way that Sakusa was glaring into his back for hurting Atsumu. He felt bad. He had apologized for his words and had explained again that it wasn't his fault he just couldn't be what he needed. Atsumu was slowly softening to him, but that didn't mean that Sakusa would forgive him any time soon. He doubted Bokuto had forgiven him for their fling so long ago even if he was still sweet to him like he was to everyone else. 

"What makes you think you have a right to comment on my sex life?"

"I am the only one who will call you out on your bullshit! You have gone way too far. It was one thing when we were stupid and young and you were sleeping your way through our friends. You're a fucking adult now dumbass!"

"I know, Kageyama. I am fully aware I am an adult."

"Then why? Why do you insist on burning every bridge you come across? You used to be the fucking best of us! Get it together! I refuse to watch you kill your career because everyone refuses to be around you! I will not let you become me!"

Shoyo swallowed looking away from Kageyama. Things had gotten strained between them long before he had committed his worst sins. He and Kageyama had barely talked since Hinata had broken Kei's heart. He would never understand their friendship but it was a force of nature. Kageyama had never forgiven him even if Kei had. 

"I warn them. I am not cut out for love."

"Obviously. I was the only person you ever lied to about that."

"I never lied to you!"

"Bullshit, you said you loved me while you still had Kenma all over you."

Shoyo flinched at Kageyama's words. While it had been Kei that had killed their friendship, Kenma was the first nail in the coffin. There was too much anger between them. They used to be glorious, but Shoyo loved Kageyama like he loved the court and Kageyama never loved him like he needed. 

"Kenma was after that."

"Bullshit. You were always hanging off him right up until you fluttered your way over to the next victim."

"Stop. Please, Kageyama. Stop."

"What? Can't face what you have done? Can't handle the truth of everyone you have hurt?"

"I didn't sleep with Kenma until after. I never lied to you. Now, please. I am tired. I don't want to talk about this."

"You fucking damn well need to! What are you doing? Your setter is watching you like you are the devil incarnate and Sakusa is looking ready to murder you. You fucked up too much this time."

"I told him I couldn't love him."

"Then you need to fucking be alone. Stop breaking every heart you come across."

Shoyo felt the hot tears streaming down his cheeks. Kageyama always knew how to rip him down to the very core of who he was. Kageyama was the only one he had ever loved quite so deeply. 

"Shoyo-"

Kageyama's fingers were suddenly cradling his hair right on top like he used to before everything went to shit. He missed this. He missed the casual affection that Kageyama used to have for him. It started with a rough grip on his head, but before they had fallen out it became this soft caress. 

"I never lied to you. I loved you. I still love you. Even if you still hate me for what I did to Kei. I love you. You were the only one who ever mattered."

Kageyama wiped away Shoyo's tears gently. He paid for Shoyo's tab and hauled the shorter man up and out of the bar towards his apartment. He kept his hand gentle on the back of Shoyo's neck as he leads him out. They didn't need to have this conversation in front of everyone. It was bad enough that people would see them yelling at each other. They already had a reputation for getting into it whenever they saw each other. 

"If you love me then why?"

"Because being alone is hard? Because it is so much easier to try and forget the love of your life when you are in bed with someone else? I don't know. I fucking- I'm selfish. That's the simple answer. You turned me down and I ran full speed into Kenma's arms knowing damn well I couldn't love him the way he wanted me to."

Kageyama sat down on his couch, his head dropping into his hands. He had thought that Shoyo had already been with Kenma when he confessed. It had been the reason he had very cruelly said that he would never love him. 

"Why me?"

"Who else? You were my rival, my friend, my teammates, my partner. You were the other half of me in every way. I fell in love with you as the king of the court and then fell in love with the real you our first year."

"Why not tell me?"

"Would you have listened? After what you said would you have listened to my explanation? Especially after I had run right from you into Kenma's bed?"

"No. No, I wouldn't have."

They sat next to each other on the couch silently for a few seconds. Tobio was hunched over his head in his hands trying to cope with what Shoyo had said. They had fought a hundred and one times before, but they had never gotten serious with it like this. Shoyo had never let himself be vulnerable. Tobio reached out gently pulling Shoyo into his lap tucking the smaller man against his chest. Shoyo was too big for this now, but Tobio didn't care. He didn't care that he was sure his thighs would be dying from Shoyo's weight later. He didn't care that Shoyo no longer fit as comfortably under his chin. He just wanted to hold him.

"I have loved you since we were fifteen."

"Isn't it far too late for that?"

"Maybe it is, but when have we settled for impossible?"

Shoyo let out a weak laugh and tucked himself back into Tobio's neck. He felt whole here. 

"I'm sorry."

"I am too."


End file.
